Chutney and a Bang!

Today is the grand finale of the Spicy Summer Sunday blog tour. I'm sad that summer is ending ... but thanks to the culinary (and nonculinary) sensuality of Danielle de Santiago, we're going out with a bang! I'll see you there a little later, when we meet up in the bedroom to shed our coats (etc.).

And thank-you hugs to Donna and Marina for making this summerful of spice happen!

Doing the Math

Last fall, my friend Wendy figured out that she was conceived after a New Year's Eve party.

My story "Doing the Math" debuts today at Clean Sheets! And don't worry if math isn't your strong subject—I promise there will not be a test.

Thanks, Professor Sheets!

Salt Lick City

Well, whaddya know? I was making a funny on "Salt Lake City" above ... but Google tells me there's actually a real place called Salt Lick City, Kentucky. I must run and tell P.S. Haven, who is serving up way more than a pinch of salt today, as part of the Spicy Summer Sunday blog tour! (Though I bet he's also available for pinching, if you ask nicely.)

Laura the Laugher, and Other Stories

Recently, the gifted and marvelous Shanna Germain set up the MindFuck Fiction site, a venue whose goal is "to offer stories that blow your mind wide open and arouse your senses."

I now have an erotic e-book for sale at MFF, a collection called Laura the Laugher, and Other Stories: Six Tales of Sexy Giggles, Grinning Wiggles, Gentle Tickles, and Eclectic Ecstasy!

These stories have been previously published—one time apiece, to date, either in print or at a pay site. But you will not have found these particular stories available for free online reading. If a digital package (.pdf format) that unites six quirky Jeremy pieces under one roof appeals to you, then I encourage you to click through and learn more about this e-book. And be sure to check out the other offerings at MFF! I'm very proud to be part of the project.

Muffin Subtlety!

Visit Emerald's place today! It's raining poppy seeds, and everything from the salad to the muffins has their characteristic subtle charm. See you there ... thanks to the Spicy Summer Sunday blog tour!

Semenym Contest Climaxes

Okay, metaphor lovers ... let's take a look at the correct answers for the sperm-term quiz, courtesy of Cecil Goran's semen-sational Dictionary of Semenyms! (To read the original post from last week, go here.)

choir of angels - luminous, pearly white, and heavenly.

“Bells of rosy fire ringing in the sky while you squirt a choir of angels.”

—William S. Burroughs, Cities of the Red Night

craziness - stuff from a sex maniac.

“Men are crazy ... then they put their craziness into me.”

—David Lynch, Blue Velvet

divine pleasure - a heavenly sensation; used to describe semen and the sensations of orgasm as God’s creations.

“Having succeeded in warming him by means of these caresses, he procures him the divine pleasure at the same moment he is overwhelmed himself: both discharge in harmony.”

—Marquis de Sade, The 120 Days of Sodom

jamjam - used to associate semen with thick, sweet jelly.

“Flood of warm jamjam lickitup.”

—James Joyce, Ulysses

life essence

“Women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence.”

—Stanley Kubrick, Dr. Strangelove

love - used to describe semen as the essence of erotic union.

“She begs for that little package of love which only he knows how to deliver.”

—Henry Miller, Tropic of Cancer

man-dew - exuded drops of masculine essence; used to describe the delicate nature of semen.

“She wanted man-dew only.” —D. H. Lawrence, Sun

pecker tracks - a trail of slime left by a penis.

“Get up, stupid. I hope you didn’t leave any pecker tracks on my gown.”

—John Waters, Trash Trio

salty smear - a generally positive description of the flavor of semen, although smear can have a connotation of dirtiness.

“The cockhead slid between his lips and left a salty smear across his mouth. The taste of it, at least, was familiar, just like his own.”

—Pat Califia, Flesh and the Word

sap - a fluid essential to life; used to describe semen as a thick, sticky substance, suggesting the sweet syrup of a maple tree.

“They climbed out of the bath and wiped from the tiles the sap that their blind stems had hurled distantly, madly, towards love.”

—Jean Cocteau, The White Book

swimming fluid - a drenching, splashing, tidal wave of sperm, triggered by a backstroke.

“The cock discharged its hot, swimming fluid inside her.”

—Anne Rice, Beauty’s Punishment

tummy medicine

“I’d like to slosh a bucket of tummy medicine into your beaming faces.”

—Russell Brand, twitter.com

vitality - the essential life force; a man’s “get-up-and-go.”

“When he was tickling my fundament just behind the balls and I could not hold it any longer, his mouth closed just over the head of my penis and I could feel my young vitality flowing into his old age.”

—Allen Ginsberg, Gay Roots

white ink of life - likens the penis to a calligrapher’s pen.

“Writing with the white ink, the white ink of life.”

—Nick Currie, “LuteScore”

For correctly associating "tummy medicine" with Brand and "salty smear" with Califia, Janine Ashbless and Jean Roberta, respectively, were the scorers in this erotic matchmaking event. Kudos to both of you! As the earlier commenter in this tie-dyed situation, Janine wins the free book (congratulations, JA!)—but everyone can score by using coupon code QYVG2THE, to get 20% off Dictionary of Semenyms via CreateSpace. (In order to take advantage of this offer, be sure to purchase directly through CreateSpace, and enter the code after the "add to cart" step.)

How many erotica authors does it take ...

The contents of forthcoming erotica-for-charity collection

Coming Together: Into the Light have been announced, and I'm delighted (or pre-lighted) to say that I'll be in one of the sockets!

The book is due out in January, and proceeds will benefit V-Day.

Here's the full marquee of bulbs:

Introduction (Candida Royalle)
[stories listed alphabetically by title]

A Compromising Position (Saskia Walker)
Doesn't Matter (Celia Kyle)
Far From Ordinary (Jenna Byrnes)
Foundling (Brenna Lyons)
How Paradise Comes to the Blind (C. Sanchez-Garcia)
Involuntarily (Jeremy Edwards)
Jake (Alessia Brio)
Past or Present (Heidi Champa)
Samers (Gregory L. Norris)
Sand and Steel (Shanna Germain)
Smut Puppy (Allison Wonderland)
Staying Cool (Michelle Houston)
Take Off My Clothes (Nobilis Reed)
The DoubleDare Hotel (Will Belegon)
The Feast of the Epiphany (Jean Roberta)

Violets are blue, roses are Mary

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Preview time!

Here are some more details on what Xcite Books and I have in store for January! (Cover to the right, official blurb below.)

***

Writer Jacob Hastings is uninspired by his latest assignment: a museum full of hideous rocking horses. But his socks are rocked by Normandie Stephens, a mischievous astronomer who can match his dry wit, quip for quip, and his sexual appetite, frolic for frolic, with energy to spare.

Thanks to Jacob’s public relations and the machinations of a feisty and frisky mentor named Kate, an impasse in Normandie’s career promises to blossom into either glory or disaster - with enigmatic photographer Susan and obtuse clubber Brandon along for the wild rocking-horse ride. Between farcical talk show appearances, sensuous threesomes, horny little quickies, sex-drenched romantic getaways, and close calls with utter embarrassment, the pace never lets up in this smart erotic romp.

And now ...

... the gripping conclusion to "How the Crab Got Its Knees."

And I do mean "gripping"! ; )

Thanks a thousandfold, M. Christian!

A book whose time has ...

Come.

Imagine somebody with sufficient inspiration, initiative, passion, focus, research skills, and dedication to assemble a definitive compendium of literature’s wide world of metaphors for semen.

Yes, imagine my non-imaginary friend Cecil Goran, the Bearded Confidant. His research arc has recently climaxed, and the Dictionary of Semenyms [note: some NSFW pages on book description's host site] has been catapulted into the world.

I think it’s safe to say that a dictionary of jism, fifteen years in the making, gives new resonance to the concept of “stick-to-itiveness.”

So, yes, the news on Confidant’s remarkable semen dictionary is out ... and I’m here to help spread it around. Er ... to help disseminate it. Er ...

The imagery cited in Dictionary of Semenyms spans centuries, as well as representing a rich, warm, viscous range of categories—which Confidant has methodically organized with the lust of the true scholar. Here are some of the contemporary entries (complete with Cecil's annotations):

all - the greatest amount a man can ejaculate.
“He shot it all, thrusting once, twice.”
—Alison Kent, The Beach Alibi

[cited in the "Quantities" chapter of Dictionary of Semenyms]

burning liquor - an intoxicating beverage, like firewater.

“His cock shuddered wildly, emptying its burning liquor into the trembling crash of her orgasm.”

—Kristina Lloyd, Darker than Love

[cited in the "Temperature" chapter]

expansive juice - a fullscale, wide-ranging ejaculation.
“She was too tired to move and swallowed his expansive juice.”
—Maxim Jakubowski, Kiss Me Sadly

[cited in the "Quantities" chapter]

his own fluid - used to describe semen as a man’s personal creation.
“Holding my ass cheeks in both hands, he shot his own fluid into me.”
—Jean Roberta, “Communion”

[cited in the "Personal Terms" chapter]

warmth of it - a cozy blanket of sperm.
“The warmth of it slithered down my throat and I tried my best to swallow.”

—Gwen Masters, One Breath at a Time

[cited in the "Temperature" chapter]

wet kisses - passionate pecks from a pecker.
“We come with synchronized precision, my pampered prick blowing wet kisses onto her industrious fingers.”

—Jeremy Edwards, “Napkin on My Lap”

[cited in the "Loving Terms" chapter]

But wait! Don’t answer yet. Dictionary of Semenyms also includes an epic erotic fantasy (m/m/m/m/m ...), a guide to “scarlet letters,” and a mini-encylopedia of safe words (featuring safe-word snippets from authors such as Alison Tyler, Kristina Lloyd, Teresa Noelle Roberts, and Charlie Anders)!

If a volume of this nature would traditionally be termed a literary companion, then "Semenyms" is a literary companion with benefits. I asked Confidant a couple of questions about this seminal reference work, this “Spunk & White,” if you will.

Can you tell us a little bit about the research process for locating semenyms?

I discover them only through deliberate accident. I can't directly search for an unknown word—I must scan erotic literature for orgasmic language and then hope to find a coined term tossed into the mix. It's like digging for X-rated treasure without a map to mark the spot. That's why the dictionary of semenyms has been fifteen years in the making.

Fifteen years is quite a journey! Did the nature of the project evolve in that time?

Yes. For a long time the dictionary didn't feature any definitions but only examples of usage from erotic literature. It hadn't occurred to me to write definitions, since every term obviously means "semen." But when I pitched the book to a publisher about ten years ago, the rejection letter mentioned that they didn't publish books of quotations. My first thought was one of surprise: "I didn't realize my dictionary was a book of quotations!" My second thought was more practical: "So I need to find a definition for each sperm term that transcends the obvious!" Writing the definitions proved to be quite a challenge but also extraordinarily rewarding, as I had an opportunity to add some of my own wit to the whimsical quotations from erotic literature. Plus, as any lexicographer will tell you, once you write the first one-thousand definitions, you get a rhythm going.

And now, here’s where you come ... in. Actually, you can come in two places:

First, Confidant cheerfully notes that "Semenyms" will be updated for future editions! (Semen: The gift that keeps on giving.) So here’s the come-on: If you have an entry of your own that you’d like him to consider, please either post it in the comments here, or e-mail it to him (confidant AT keepstill DOT com). Though previously published citations are preferred, Confidant acknowledges that “some semenyms are simply ahead of their time”—so quotations from your unpublished or not-yet-published writings are eligible as well.

Second, we’re giving away a copy of Dictionary of Semenyms! Here’s the challenge that Confidant has come up with: Match the sperm term to the person who said it. Below, you’ll find two columns, one containing entries from Semenyms and one containing the authors’ names. If you want to play, try to match up semenym to author, and post your guesses in the comments. We’re on the honor system here—no research, please. (But if you happen to recognize one or more of the entries and know the correct answers just because you’re a mad-skillz erotica maven, then that’s legit—it’s okay to win by dint of your previously amassed expertise, just not by dint of ad hoc answer-foraging.) The person with the greatest number of correct matches will win the book (and no penalty for incorrect matches, so guess away). In the event of a tie, the earlier comment wins. I’ll post the answers in a week (Wednesday, August 12), along with the name of the winner. Thanks for—er—sticking around and playing!



(doodle space)

SEMENYMS 1. choir of angels 2. craziness 3. divine pleasure 4. jamjam 5. life essence 6. love 7. man-dew 8. pecker tracks 9. salty smear 10. sap 11. swimming fluid 12. tummy medicine 13. vitality 14. white ink of life

AUTHORS A. Russell Brand B. William S. Burroughs C. Pat Califia D. Jean Cocteau E. Nick Currie (Momus) F. Marquis de Sade G. Allen Ginsberg H. James Joyce I. Stanley Kubrick J. D. H. Lawrence K. David Lynch L. Henry Miller M. Anne Rice N. John Waters

Finally, Confidant has authorized me to offer you nice people a discount code, which will grant you 20% off when you buy Dictionary of Semenyms via CreateSpace.* (In order to take advantage of this offer, be sure to purchase directly through CreateSpace, and enter the following code after the "add to cart" step: QYVG2THE)

*Don’t be fooled by the 1994 publication date—Amazon and its subsidiaries evidently log all semen-related books according to date of conception. And Confidant notes, in the eroto-erratum department, that any typos are due to “one-handed typing, sticky fingers, or perhaps running dry on white-out.”

I have my own unique ways

That's what the great folks at Logical-Lust have stated in the caption under a familiar picture of me, which they're running in conjunction with a new Jeremy interview. (They also say I have "a pose for every mood"!) Read my thoughts about writer's block, style manuals, and my own literary personality here. Thanks, Logical-Lusters!

The Come of Things to Shape

Please join me here for a special event this Wednesday, August 5, when I'll be featuring the Dictionary of Semenyms, an astounding new erotic reference work by the indefatigable Confidant. We'll have excerpts; a game and giveaway; a mini-interview ... and an opportunity for you to submit your own fresh and sticky imagery!

Sunday Somethin's!

Don't be deceived by the sleepy word Sunday: There's a lot going on today!

As part of the Spicy Summer Sunday blog tour, the sensuous Marina St. Clare is regaling us with basil—in food, fiction, and foklore!

Master fiction writer, editor, and poet Shanna Germain has launched an exciting new literary outlet called MindFuck Fiction!

And (Shameless Self-Promotion Dept.) the third installment of my Kiplingesque take on a classic Kama Sutra position, "How the Crab Got Its Knees," has been posted to the Frequently Felt blog by legendary author, editor, and impresario M. Christian!

I stammered an unnecessary drink order to an impatient bartender.

"Being Myself," my story of insecurity, identity, seduction, laughter, and love, is on display this month at Justus Roux's Erotic Tales. (It's the second piece on the page.)

Thanks, Justus!