Amorous Woman on my doorstep

[Note: For the story behind this story, go here and here.]

When I enthusiastically signed up for the blog tour celebrating Donna George Storey’s erotic masterpiece, Amorous Woman, I thought I’d be interviewing the author.

But though the woman here with me today looks a little bit like Donna, this character—and I use the term advisedly—has something more ... fictitious about her.

In fact, my guest is Lydia—the unforgettable protagonist of Amorous Woman, an adventurous yet vulnerable American whose sensuous, lonely, and complex sexual odyssey through Japan are the raw materials for Donna’s artistry. Apparently, Lydia got tired of letting her creator get all the attention for telling her story. So she bolted from the book, headed off into the blogosphere, and insisted that I entertain her here, in the fictional flesh.

How could I turn down an offer like that?

Jeremy
I’ve never interviewed a fictional character before. What’s the etiquette? (Like, do I have to keep my clothes on?)

Lydia
Well, Jeremy, as you know, my “odyssey” has made me into a much more thoughtful and compassionate person. I noticed on your blog you like to hang out with nothing but your boxers on with a fedora draped over your knee, so if you’re most comfortable that way, by all means, strip down. I’ve seen naked men before—LOTS of naked men—and I can handle it ;-)

Jeremy
Thank you—that’s much better. Pardon me a moment while I retrieve my notebook from my boxers.

Okay, first question: As I’m sure you’re aware, Donna is a very gifted writer. Tell us how her portrayal of you gave you insights into your own needs and behavior.

Lydia
“Gifted” writer? Hmm, to give credit where credit is due, the old girl did put in a lot of time at the computer on this project. The poor thing downed so many Diet Snapples during those dawn writing sessions, I was worried for her. Worse than opium, absinthe and cigarillos, that stuff. But the truth is—and getting in touch with the truth is another thing I learned from my amorous journey—Donna’s “talent” involved listening to ME. True, she forced me to sit down and tell her everything. That alone definitely helped me put my adventures in perspective. Telling all made me realize that when I was back in Japan I let my desires trump common sense most of the time. Okay, maybe all of the time. With each encounter I usually thought I wanted sex. Rolling around naked with a hot man, juicing up the sheets, screaming my throat raw when my head explodes in one of those full-body orgasms—what’s not to like about that? But I realize now I was looking for other things at the same time. I’m not going to tell you what those things were, you have to read the book. But I will say Donna was like a therapist for me in that sense--and she didn’t even charge me! Still, I am a rather restless person and it’s time to “graduate” from therapy, cut loose a little.

Jeremy
Were there junctures at which you had to redirect the author? Moments at which you felt you had to assert elements of your internal logic over things you didn’t “feel” in the plot outline? (Did she even show you the synopsis when she was preparing the book proposal, or did she send you to the movies that day?)

Lydia
Donna and I were pretty much in sync, but she did have some problems with the male characters. Men are always mucking up the best laid plans. There were two guys in particular who refused to follow the script. One is Masaru, the charming bad boy. He was always trying to improvise. He didn’t like some of his lines and I agree that the versions he insisted on sounded much better. Come to think of it, I am actually rather pissed at Donna for what she did to him, it could be one of the reasons I just had to get away--but that’s for another interview. The real surprise was Dr. Shinohara, the elegant dentist. I mean first of all, who ever thought a dentist could be so sexy? Back in Washington D.C. my dentist was this horse-faced guy with hairy hands who was always asking me stupid questions when my mouth was wedged open. Annoying as hell. Dr. Shinohara, on the other hand, was one of those courteous gentlemen with lovely cheekbones who just oozed wisdom. Plus, he was HOT. Our stereotype of the Japanese male over here is ridiculous, but believe me, I’ve met some spellbindingly seductive fellows. Dr. Shinohara was one and, well, he had a mind of his own. He just refused to follow the script and took his pleasure with me in his own special way.

Jeremy
Since, as a fictional character, you’re not constrained by time and space, I imagine you can relive your favorite moments at will. What’s your favorite moment, among those related in the book?

Lydia
There are plenty of moments I like to relive when I’m alone and feeling a twinge, if you know what I mean. The hairbrush scene, the hot spring scene, “around the world” with Masaru—a very creative man in bed. But if you’re going to make me choose just one moment, it’s the encounter with the luscious Dr. Shinohara I was just talking about. It’s been twenty-four years and his touch still lingers. Mmm, excuse me, how much longer is this interview going to take? With all of this talk about my past lovers, I’m starting to feel a few twinges right now….

Jeremy
I’ll try to talk faster. What’sitlikeforyouwhenDonnareadsfromAmorousWomaninpublic?

Lydia
Jeremy, dear, I’ve willingly choreographed and performed a live sex show in front of dozens of drunk men at a year-end party—do you even need to ask? When Donna reads, or rather, when she channels me at her readings, I get to tell my story again. It was great fun doing it for those two handsome California boys in Amorous Woman and it was fun to do it at The Booksmith in San Francisco a few weeks ago. I’ve got plans for appearances in LA and New York and I can’t wait to parade around naked—maybe I should get back home for those. Exhibitionism is obviously one of my vices, not that there aren’t plenty of others. Fortunately, Donna always chooses a nice, juicy scene, like the threesome with the prostitute at the Imperial Hotel. I could live that one over and over again!

Jeremy
I know our readers will want a “bonus.” Can you relate any of your sexy exploits that didn’t make it into the novel, because of space constraints? (I promise I won’t tell Donna.)

Lydia
Donna was in a bit of a rush to get me to Japan, so she left out some pretty spicy scenes from my days at Princeton. Most people think Ivy Leaguers spend all of their time in the library studying to be dentists, but they do other things in the library, too, that would make those library ladies faint.

Jeremy
Not the library ladies I know.

Lydia
Oh, yes? You have to give me their names. Anyway, back to your question, I did fairly well academically, but I got an A+ in extracurricular sex. My boyfriends there were willing to try anything. We tied each other to those bunk beds with my pantyhose, blindfolded each other with scarves, annointed each other’s bodies with Thomas Sweets’ ice cream and chocolate sauce. College was training for all the things I did in Japan, but I understand Donna writes short stories, too, and I think she lifted some of my experiences for those. I don’t begrudge her. Writers are thieves, after all.

Jeremy
[Sotto voce] Let’s not get insulting, now—I mean, there may be some actual thieves reading this, and they might take umbrage at such a comparison.

Next question: Do large groups of fictional characters from across the entire history of literature ever get together for monster parties when we mortals aren’t looking? Is there a particular convention center you guys favor, or do you like to spread it around?

Lydia
How did you know? Of course we do, and just for the record, we include memoirists because over here even they’ll admit what they’ve written is fiction. I’ve partied with Anais Nin and Henry Miller, Fanny Hill of course. And the original Amorous Woman, Oharu. She’s a REAL character. Sometimes—and I know you’re waiting for this confession—the clothes come off and we couple in every imaginable way, our bodies twisted into pretzels of yin-yang depravity. Why not? It’s all safe sex here in Fictionland. As for location, should you want to join in, which I know you do, you can find us wherever things are happening, Paris, the Imperial Hotel in Tokyo. I suppose I should add that not all parties are as amusing or sweaty as ours. Some of these people are as stuffy and humorless offstage as they are on. Mr. Causabon from Middlemarch? Still a pill, although Dorothea and Will Ladislaw and I had a very nice threesome once. Beneath those petticoats, she hid a passion that surprised me…

Jeremy
[To himself, as he writes in his address book] Im ... perial ... Hotel.

So now that you’ve told us what you get up to with other characters, could you describe your ideal date with a devoted reader?

Lydia
Everyone thrives on attention, Jeremy, you won’t deny it’s true for you. For me it’s even more important—attention literally brings me to life. I adore my readers. I’ll do anything for them, and I do mean ANYTHING. Pick your scene, come on over to my Japan, take any role you please. My lovely readers can be me and I’ll whisper directions in their ears—rise up from the water now, take your breasts in your hands, turn and show him your shapely ass, tease that sucker until he’s panting like a dog. Or they’re welcome to take the part of my lovers and do all of those nasty-but-very-nice things to me. In that regard, I’m still very easy….

Jeremy
And, speaking of attention ... I know that the public is already clamoring for a sequel. Are you available, if Donna makes you an offer?

Lydia
It would have to be a damned good offer, but I’d consider it in the future if my co-stars are worth bedding. For now I’m having a bit too much fun relaxing and hanging out in Kyoto with my buddies from Amorous Woman. Sleeping my way around Japan was EXHAUSTING. Pass the sake, would you? And it was a true pleasure talking with you, Jeremy. Those boxers suit you. But I have to be going. I’m not quite ready to settle down yet….